Toxic Positivity 

Remember a time when you were feeling low one day. Perhaps there was a trigger, or perhaps your mood just suddenly switched. Maybe school or college is stressing you out, or maybe something happened at work. Perhaps you just woke up feeling ‘off’ and low. No matter the cause, you’re feeling sad.

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Now, think of a time when maybe you reached out for help. Maybe you searched for reassurance from family, from friends, or even went online to see what resources there might be for you. What are the most common things you see? “Look on the bright side”, “practice mindfulness”, “be grateful”, “be productive”, or as the colloquial term puts it: “positive vibes”.

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Toxic positivity is a very real thing, and means that despite any difficult situation or emotional turmoil, you are asked to only have a positive mindset throughout it all. This can be subtle, such as a friend telling you that you should be grateful for what you still have, or a post advising you to change your viewpoint in order to feel better, or even telling yourself to be productive and not dwell on any negative feelings. It could be a flippant, “it is what it is”. It does not even have to be directed at you – posts by friends or influential figures repeatedly talking about how productive they’re being or how happy and blessed they feel today is also a sign of toxic positivity.

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There is no denying the benefits of being positive about a situation. Your stress levels reduce, your confidence increases, you have increased energy if you choose to let go, other people like you more if you’re positive, etc. But just like everything else in the world, too much of a good thing is a bad thing, and here’s why.

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We are human. We are human, and it is in our nature to feel negativity in response to a difficult situation. The truth is, we just cannot be happy all of the time – it’s not in our nature, and it’s unbelievably unrealistic. To try to force feelings of positivity when you’re feeling low is another way of bottling emotion up, and as we all know, eventually that bottle will overflow. Not only that, but trying to force positive feelings is also indirectly invalidating and dismissing the person’s feelings.

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To force positivity is to shame and belittle negative feelings. It is to encourage supressing emotions. It is to undervalue struggle and pain. Well-intentioned as ‘positive vibes’ are meant to be, it threatens to exacerbate the very thing it’s meant to help cure.

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This is not to say that being positive is a bad thing. This is to say that we should not force people to be positive and “see the bright side” when they are still hurting. More importantly, you should not force yourself to be positive when you are feeling low, or anxious, or sad, or jealous, or any sort of negative emotion.

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Instead, validate other people’s experiences. “Are you okay? What can I do to help you?” are good questions to ask. Statements of support such as, “I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now, I’m here for you,” are also important to let the other person know.

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As for the individual, please be aware that eventually, it will pass. Don’t ignore your emotions – instead, try identifying what exactly it is you are feeling, and cope with it the best way you know how. Some like meditation, some like writing, some like to just talk it out with a trusted friend. If you are feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to rest or do something for yourself, like running a bath.

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And most importantly, nurture your emotions. If you’re feeling angry, punch it out into a pillow, or write down every insult you can think of on a piece of paper and tear it up. If you’re feeling sad, turn on some sad music and cry it out.

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And if you don’t come out of this pandemic with a new skill or increased productivity, that’s more than okay. It’s an uncertain time, and people will feel stressed, anxious and unsure about the future.

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Remember that nothing is more important than your mental health. And if you’re not feeling positive, that’s okay. You can be in the near future. For now, look after yourselves.